This is an unedited mail from a reader, she needs your help. Mature comments please. Read her story below:
I decided to write to TSB cos I have lived with this burden in my heart for 4yrs. What better place than my very own TSB family. The bottom line is, I need the advice of my fellow TSB family. Don't insult me, don't blame me, just advice me. I must pre warn you that my story may be a bit long.
I am a married woman. Been married for 4yrs plus. I met my husband almost immediately after leaving a very bad relationship that left me heartbroken. All I wanted at that time was friendship, cos I wasn't ready for another relationship. But he wanted more. After much pressure from him and my elder sister, we started dating. From the very beginning, there was no love and no 'connection'. I liked him as a friend, but didn't exactly love him, but my sister said it was better that way. That all I need is a good man. And yes, my husband is a good man, at least in character, and we get along well, but that's all there is to our marriage.
I actually discussed my reservations with him before we got married and even wanted to call off the wedding, but he sort of convinced me that it will get better. I had a lot of premonitions. But my mistake was confiding in my sister who waved my reservations aside and advised me to go ahead with it. After all, she's been married for 12yrs and should know better. And so we got married. Its been 4yrs and nothing has changed. We are just like a brother and sister living together. No emotions whatsoever. He hardly talks to me, and when I try to chat him up, he calls it nagging. We hardly touch each other, we make love once in a while and usually in a very mechanical way. And even the once in a while has stopped completely for more than 6 months now.
I later realized that he was a complete recluse, has low sperm count, weak erection and other issues and he just wanted stability. To be fair, I did my best to spice things up and make it work, but he always rebuffed or sometimes ignored my efforts and gets defensive when I try to come up with possible solutions. I prayed, I fasted and did all I know to do, but he remained aloof. And so I let him be. And then when I decided to leave, he suddenly became ready to work things out and claims to love me and has just been distracted by other things. The problem is, he has totally killed whatever little emotion that once existed btw us. When he attempted to touch me again after such a long time, I felt completely irritated. His touch has become alien to my body. And I cringe at his touch.
There's no child binding us together and that makes it even worse, cos nothing in the marriage gives me joy. My entire being is screaming for me to leave. I have never cheated on him, even if I have been tempted to several times. And I don't want to, but I don't know how long I can go on like this. I had rather leave than cheat. But since he is now ready to make some effort, before I make a final decision, is there anything I can do to make things work? Is there possibly anything I can try? Has anyone been in this situation before and was able to work things out? Can I possibly develop any interest in him again?
Please help!
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